Despite the cringe-inducing 2014 internet adage of sex being like pizza — “tHeEe’s nO sUcH ThInG aS bAd pIzZa” — bad sex is a very real phenomenon, leading to scratches, bites and sometimes existential dread.

Earlier this week, u/lmaonnohomo took to Reddit with an evidently SuperStraight inquiry for the people of r/AskReddit: “Have you ever walk [sic] out during sex?”

The answer was a resounding “yes,” the post garnering more than 15,000 upvotes as tales of tail fails began pouring in. 

“She bit my ear so hard it started bleeding and wouldn’t let go. I was done after that,” recounted u/carcinoma_kid.

“My ex-girlfriend was obsessed with handcuffs, and I knew something was seriously wrong when she brought two pairs with her one night,” explained u/foodpoisoningsucks, noting that while their partner was usually the bound one, they had agreed to switch roles. “She handcuffed my feet together immediately after handcuffing my hands to the bed frame, which was odd, but I went along with it. Midway through, she started smacking and scratching me, but not in a sexy way, more like a vampire trying to eat its victim way, and I knew it had to stop. I was able to push her away and waddle my way into the hallway after ripping these adult toy handcuffs off me like the Hulk.”

Despite the awkwardness of the encounter, it seems they somehow managed to not rage quit their relationship right then and there. “Oddly enough though we went strong for another four months in our relationship after that,” they clarified. 

But bites and scratches are only just the beginning of injuries playing a role in bad sex — someone u/graycegal said they slept with must have had terrible, terrible brain damage in order to think telling someone they take way too long to cum is a good idea. “He straight up told me, ‘Why should I even try to make you cum again?’” they recalled. “‘It’s always so hard.’”

Puppetry, too, has also played an important role in bad sex — just ask u/Schlost. 

“Once, during the act, I had a woman take the condom off of me - she then proceeded to put her hand inside it, stretch her fingers as much as she could, and then attempted to touch my face with it,” they explained. “II was just so shocked and stunned by the whole situation that I apologized and then left.”

That said, not every entry had a sour ending. For u/mak4488, walking out during sex ultimately led to a trip down the aisle. “My boyfriend and I were having sex, and I was pretty tipsy,” they explained. “I stopped him mid thrust and said, “Take me to McDonald’s” at 2 a.m. And the man did it. He’s my husband now.”

True love!